2012...No "Resolutions"....Business As Usual

2011 is almost over, and the New Year will be welcomed in a few days. Many of us have already began the process of setting goals for 2012. Some of us use the terminology "resolution" to describe these set goals. However, I believe that "resolution" is a bit of a curse because when it becomes as such, we become too intimidated to follow through. I stopped that practice a long time ago. The list would start out long and would include dreams that I knew were intangible. The list would reduce itself to 1-2 thoughts that were mistakenly accomplished, so I just ceased at creating the lists. I found myself feeling guilty and ashamed for not completing these "resolutions". Now, I simply call these manifested ideas "goals". Yes, terminology matters. I feel like that term "goal" makes things more realistic and obtainable and not just a fantastic array of 'sugar plum fairy tales'. So, here's my list of goals.

The first goal that I have set is something that I've been working on for a while- weight loss. Cliche right? I lost 45 pounds last year, and I intend to lose another 50 before 2012 comes to an end. I am doing this for my well-being, as well as my business venture. I want to feel good on stage and comfortable in anything that I wear. I would also like to prove to myself that I have enough discipline within to not concede to diet pills and strict plans that result in starvation. I want to have some serious guns and a flat stomach. This can be accomplished by vigorous workouts and healthy eating habits. I can do this!

The second goal is to gain enough musical success that I am able to REALLY quit corporate. I got my song on the radio and performed a little bit of everywhere this year, but I'm just beginning to reap from all the hard work. I consider this to be an easy goal because "Breezy" drops in the first quarter of 2012, and I expect nothing but great things from it. Royalties are already stacking, and the album hasn't dropped yet! I want to have enough work that I won't have to touch royalties and still draw in enough revenue to pay bills. Along with promoting the album, I will take vocal lessons again and continue writing. I might even get into the hook writing business for hip-hop artists. I find myself in that position these days, so that avenue might be lucrative.

Lastly, but most importantly, I want to "get my happy back" (shout-out to NeNe Leakes!). 2011 was a very trying year, and I refuse to carry a dark cloud into the new year. I want to stop neglecting my needs. I want to get pedicures again. I want to network three times a week without the feeling of shame overshadowing my pursuit. I want to be FREE! Everyone deserves to have a smile on their face every once and a while; I want that smile everyday!

My desires are simple and to the point. I haven't challenged myself to anything that is impossible to achieve. I haven't wished upon a star to ensure that my dreams will come true. I know that in order to obtain the goals that I've set before myself, I must remain committed, true to self, and focused. Y'all, I GOT THIS! If you have the same caliber of goals, you can do it too! Happy New Year Everyone! God bless you in your new endeavors, and always remember to keep God as the constant in whatever you do! You can be nothing but successful when you allow HIM to be your third eye!

L.I.G. ALREADY!

Recently, I completed the last song for my "Breezy" album. Knowing that the last song had to be written quickly, I wanted to make sure that the deadline didn't create a sense of haste that would be detected in its sound or lyrics. As I sat with the pen and pad (went back to the old school style of brainstorming for this one), I questioned what was missing from my project. I decided that I needed a song that spoke to the bitter/ hurt woman from a positive perspective. This thinking led to the creation of, "Let It Go". I think I made a mark with this one.

I always find myself in a place where I'm dishing out relationship advice. I don't consider myself an expert at all, but I do feel that God has allowed me to experience and see things that I can use as precautionary tools for my loved ones. Many of my female friends have posed the question, "What do I do now?", and I quickly reply with, "Nothing!" Most of the time, they expect me to answer with some vindictive plan, but that's not my nature. Revenge never works (been there) Although I do have a bit of a temper, I believe that when dealing with men, sometimes the best approach is to do/say nothing and keep it moving. Instead, we find ourselves 'stalking' men for answers. Before you know it, innocent bystanders become involved, and you wind up in a mess of chaos.

To prevent this situation from happening, I would like to share some steps in letting go. First, stop all communication with the man. Unless you have children with him, there is no reason to speak to him after he's hurt you and been dismissed.Cutting off the communication will make him see that you mean business. Secondly, keep a distance from his friends. Good friends are loyal friends, and whether or not the guy was to blame, his friends will take his side regardless if you consider them to be mutual friends. Yes, they may have the power to speak to him about his relationship and reach him in ways that you can't, but that has to be done without your assistance. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS! Third, and most important, don't have sex with him after the break-up. Women, we are emotional creatures. If you have sex with him, you will naturally resurface those feelings you've had for him. It also causes of a lot of confusion that may have you questioning yourself about ending the relationship. In essence, there's nothing wrong with second-guessing, but you can second-guess yourself into a cycle of make-ups and break-ups. Last, but not least, keep some of your business to yourself. Sometimes, involving friends can make you question how you've handled the break-up. Girlfriends may have good intentions, but they can make matters worse by forcing you to rehash old drama; the masking term for this action is "venting". When you say that you've left it alone, LEAVE IT ALONE. Discuss the drama when you know that you are over it completely.

If you follow these rules, you will have no problems saying, "On to the next!". The process is much harder than the discussion, but if you keep in mind your self-worth and happiness, you will find yourself moving on before you know it!Letting go is a good way to ensure that you're not going to carry any of your old madness into your new relationship. It is never fair to make the new man suffer because of the unfinished business you have with the ex. Do yourself a favor,and move on with a clear mind and heart. LET IT GO!

Gospel Industry vs. R&B Industry

I've been involved with music one way or another since I was 5. Like many R&B singers, I began singing at church. I was blessed to be surrounded by many talented musicians and singers all my life, and I imagined working in that field as an adult. I loved the idea doing what I love for WHO I loved. However, to accomplish that was much harder than expected.

I discovered that the gospel industry did not fully represent the message conveyed in its style of music. From a naive place of reasoning, I thought that gospel artists and musicians would be welcoming, supportive, and all about the ministry. I know I was nuts for thinking that, but how could one sing about righteousness and be so unrighteous when it came to the reception of new artists? I've dealt with more judging, belittling, and backstabbing in the gospel realm more than I have as an R&B singer.

I can recall auditioning for a popular gospel singer who was gearing up for a tour. On the way there, I began listening to the "What's Going On", album, and all I could think about was, "What's REALLY about to go on if I get this gig?". Yes, it was an opportunity to visit places that I'd never seen and make some change while doing so. Yes, it would've been another notch on my 'vocal performance belt'. But, was it worth the gossip? Was it worth putting up with catty women and men, who I could never be myself around? Was it worth being judged for every move I make? Was it worth being around a bunch of people who had trouble about their own identity? After repeatedly asking myself those things, I decided to sabotage my audition by picking the most depressing song and singing it with no effort. I didn't want to let down the person that gave my the chance to audition, so I thought that was the easiest way out. When I walked out of the audition, I knew that I had done my very best to fail, and I was so relieved that the pressure of me changing me to accomodate others was null and void.

A few months later, I found myself at a rehearsal for another gospel performance. There was one particular woman who had given me a bit of trouble before, and she tried to do the same that night. Of course, I wanted to take her outside and punch her in the face, but I had no bail money...lol Instead, I was complimented by one of the greatest gospel composers of our time, and it was done so in front of her. That was the sweeter than any left hook that I would've landed. Although I received the victory in the end, I knew that this particular event would be my last performance as a gospel singer aside from my musical contribution to worship service on Sunday.
Some of you are reading this and shaking your head with the thought that I've allowed others to push me away from what I really wanted to do. That is not the case. I chose to stick with R&B because I expect to receive the backbiting and disrespect in this field. If I chose to come out of the closet as a lesbian woman (ain't happening b/c I LOVE ME SOME BLACK MEN!), I could, and I wouldn't have to live a double life to sell records. If I chose to work with a new sound, I wouldn't be accused of "taking the tradition out of the gospel". There are no restrictions, which can open the door for all kinds of garbage, but I am ready for it. In the gospel scene, I expected to be loved and accepted without prejudice or apprehension. That wasn't the case. I've shed more tears when dealing with church folk than I have with the secular world. I love Jesus, but I don't love the people who run the industry that supposedly praises HIM. Does my opinion make me heathen? I still believe that one day, I will accomplish the goal of completing a gospel album, but I need to gain a tougher skin first.

An Evening With Carl Thomas

Last night, I had the pleasure of attending "The Experience With Carl Thomas" at the DuSable Museum. I must admit that when the idea for going to the event was initially introduced to me, I was a bit apprehensive about going because I felt that I wouldn't appreciate it as much as someone who was a loyal fan or avid listener. Don't get me wrong. I do believe that Carl Thomas is very talented, but I can't say that I knew much about his musical journey.
For those of you who are unaware of the functions of "The Experience", let me just brief you on how the event works. The artists are interviewed by Dedry Jones, and the style of the interview is similar to that of James Lipton's on "Inside the Actors' Studio". This format gives the audience the opportunity to learn unknown facts about the artist. After the interview, the audience is treated with a brief performance by the artist.
This was the perfect setting for me to grow as a fan because I was able to see Carl Thomas from a personal aspect.I was able to see the man beyond "Summer Rain", "Emotional", and all the other songs that received heavy rotation on the radio. In his short, 30+ years on this this planet, he has been through a lot. Many of the friends he made through his career have passed on,(Heavy D, Notorious B.I.G., TuPac, Gerald Lavert etc.). He tragically lost his brother during his tenure at Bad Boy Records. He was raised in the projects, with very little money but lots of love. He's been through more than any us will ever experience in our lifetime. I guess that's why he's been blessed in his craft. Sometimes, we have to struggle a bit so that we are humble enough to receive what the LORD has for us. Boy, did that hit home! It seems like lately, I've been catching hell from everywhere, and that only means that I'm moving closer to my reward. Come on reward!
So, it's official! I am a Carl Thomas fan. If you get a chance, check out his latest cd "Conquer"; the title says it all!

Don't be my footstool!

Yesterday, I attended church and received a word that I knew sent just for me. The sermon was about the effect that enemies can have on your ministry. The pastor spoke of how when you're attempting to be on the right path, there's always someone who you consider yourself to be close with that attempts to corrupt your plans and visions. Since the enemy has a tendency to appear as a friend at first, one can be completely unaware of the enemy's intentions at the beginning.
How many times have you heard of stories where chit-chatting with girlfriends about relationships lead to a boyfriend being stolen by that girlfriend that you were discussing your relationship with? How many times have you heard of women who's significant other didn't agree with the girlfriend/wife returning to school, so suddenly, the woman is with child and unable to complete her studies? From the industry side of things, how many times have you witnessed backstabbing take place for the sake of notoriety? One way or another, we've all witnessed this. I've dealt with jealousy for a long time, and it hurts more when it comes from people that you love and look up to. I lost a friend to that evil spirit, and I had no clue they felt this way until it was too late to salvage what was left of our friendship. Don't get me wrong. I love that person, but now that I know that he/she is capable of hurting on that level, I could never be as close to him/her as I was before.
It's not a good feeling to witness blatant betrayal for a slight gain, but it happens in all the time in our lives. When dealing with haters, the best thing to do is pray for them and keep it moving. And here's a little hint: If you have a hater every once and while, it can be used as a gauging tool to determine just how successfully dedicated you are to your craft/ talent. Haters only come out when they feel like you're doing something right. They're just not ready to admit it.

Mommyhood and Music: Finding the Balance

Being a part of the music industry requires a lot of dedication, discipline, and sacrifice. To me the hardest contribution is sacrifice- especially when it comes to my family. Although I am still fresh to the game, I've already had moments where I've questioned, "Am I a good wife? Am I a good mother?" The latter is most important to me because I only get one chance and one moment to be the perfect mom.
I know what you're thinking: "There's no such thing as a perfect mom". However, my definition of a perfect mom is a woman who is present in her child's life and supporting at the most important aspects of his daily activities (i.e. cooking, spending quality time, taking him to school, tending to him when he's ill). Sometimes, I am unable to do those things. My life gets pretty hectic, and the normal life is sounds like a dream. I always knew that it would be this way if I chose to continue working on my music after having a child.
Knowing that my time would be limited, I decided that I would spend the first two years of my son's life with him at home. I stopped working both jobs for a while to be with him. Everyday, we spent the day together- just the two of us. I cooked him breakfast everyday, played with him, read to him, and watched him discover his world. I sacrificed (there's that word again.. lol), money, gigs, and sometimes peace of mind to ensure that my son knew that I loved him. Two years is such a small piece of his lifetime, but the first two years of a child's life is most important to their growth and development. I felt proud and blessed to have that time with him. Now that he's in school, I see the outcome of those first two years. His mental growth is similar to that of a wildflower. Hell, he's already learned what an octagon looks like! lol
Learning to balance music and motherhood is still a work in progress. I try to spend as much time with him as I can on my off days. He gets all of my attention. I try to change as many diapers as possible. I hug and kiss him until he's tired of me touching him! I make sure that we talk when we're in the car, hitting the streets together. I listen to music with him whenever I can (he's a natural). Most importantly, he goes to church with me almost every Sunday. I guess I'm not such a bad mom after all.
I know that one day, I will be away from him- sometimes hundreds of miles away. I know that there may a point when I may miss a recital or a school dance. I know that I may not be here to see him go on his first date. But in the end, I want him to always know that I love him, and I do this for him. Every note I sing and every song I write is all done for him and his well-being. I will never be 'Mommy Dearest' (not Joan Crawford's version...lol), but I will be the very best mom I can be for my son and our lifestyle.

My Intro to Kid "Dropout"

As some of you already know, Jay-Z and Kanye are on the "Watch the Throne" Tour. They are performing their second show in Chicago tonight. I am totally hating on whoever bought tickets for the show tonight because I can't go (s/o to Seven Lee and Justin Parker...lol). I'm a huge fan of both artists, and this morning, I began reminiscing about my first encounters with their work. My discovery of Kanye's genius stuck with me the most.
It was February of '04. I was preparing to leave for my trip to New Orleans for the Mardi Gras festivities. The Tuesday before our departure, "College Dropout" hit the stores. During my lunch break (which was personally and disobediently extended) , I went to Best Buy to pick it up. Later that day, when I picked up my man from work, he asked if I would open up the cd and play it. I told him, flat-out, "NO! We will save this cd for the road trip to Louisiana."
So on the morning of our departure, we loaded the car with our luggage and listening material, and we headed south. When we reached the Kentucky state line, we decided it was time to listen. It was the perfect setting: us riding in our new car, through the hills and small mountains with the radio guiding us to our destiny. The moment I heard "Spaceship", I bursted into tears. That song touched my heart deeply; there's something about that "Distant Lover" sample that got all UP IN MY SPIRIT. I felt like that song was written for me and that moment of adventure. The album had a fresh sound, and it was totally different from any hip-hop that was being played on the commercial scene of Chicago's airwaves.
On the way home from our trip, the radio in our car stopped working. Can you imagine riding from the deep south to Chicago for over 14 hours without a radio? It was crazy! And all the way home, my man kept repeating, "I've been working this grave shift, and I ain't made s***. I wish I could buy me a spaceship and flyyyyy...."! I remember threatening him for singing it so much. It just goes to show you that real music can stick to you like oatmeal on a winter day.
Mr. West has created several albums since then, and I've bought every one of them. However, none have given me the feeling that "College Dropout" gave me. I can't play any of his recent music without running that album right behind it. Thanks Kanye for giving us G.O.O.D. music! Your throne is well-deserved!